Whatever you’re here for, I hope that you find it. Whether it’s to understand our circumstances better, general interest in infertility and various treatments, support for your own journey, or because you are bored and it’s like the thrill of reading someone’s diary…here it goes.
Our infertility journey may well have started long before we even knew each other (perhaps before I could even walk or talk). I was diagnosed with Wilm’s tumor at 11 months old and received chemo and radiation therapy at the time. My parents were told I would probably have trouble conceiving when I was older, however, when I was told that at the proper age, I shrugged it off and figured it happens for everyone and babies were definitely in my future. I was handed a baby doll like every other young girl and prepped for motherhood by society. I grew up, found my Prince Charming, and was ready for my happily ever after!
Life was about to hurl us an incredible curveball. You see, Aaron and I had an inkling that we would not be able to start a family easily. Whether it was the words my doctors had told my parents at a young age echoing in my head that I was desperate to ignore, or the Big Man Upstairs just trying to give us a heads up, we started with the fear that it could be a little while. I repeat…we STARTED with the fear. Starting a family has unfortunately never been a simple, happy choice. But neither of us were prepared for what ‘a little while’ meant. After a few months of trying, the worry really started setting in. My tracking of every physiological parameter I could measure started, as well as the research. A few more months went by, and even armed with this knowledge and info we had no success. Then the supplements that I would come across scrolling through website after website. Nothing.
Finally, we went in for fertility testing. Our doctors didn’t seem too worried. We had been trying less than a year at that point, so we weren’t clinically “infertile” (this only is diagnosed after one year of trying naturally without success). After a handful of lab tests for both of us and really uncomfortable imaging test for me, our doctors found nothing major that really stood out to them as a culprit. So we kept trying. And trying, and trying. Every month bringing more brokenness, and sadness.
***I’m going to stop there and go off on a tangent for a second. Even though Aaron and I have been through it with this process, we chose each other when we got married and have promised to continue choosing each other forever. Our situation has tested us both individually as well as a couple in ways we could not have fathomed starting out. We have seen lows we never expected to see so early in our marriage, but we also have experienced the amazing love and bond that can only form out of something like this. God truly blessed us by putting us together, because I could not get through this without someone who was not truly meant for me. So now that you know that this situation really SUCKS sometimes, I can continue with my story because now you know that no matter the outcome, there is a happy ending. We will still love each other at the end of the day, no matter what.
Back to it. We eventually got fed up and decided it was time for the big guns. In enters our fertility doctor, Dr. Young from Mid Iowa Fertility. He reviewed our testing we had done at other offices, and ordered a couple more. Our plan after meeting with him was to pursue IUI (intra-uterine insemination). Basically, they stick a long straw up your hoo-haw and put the swimmers where they need to be. It’s a relatively painless procedure and only takes a few minutes to complete. Per the research, if this procedure is to work, it usually will do so within three cycles. Before we could continue with this, I had to have an outpatient surgery to remove a polyp so if there was an embryo floating around in there, it could implant where it needed to.
We started IUI so excited and full of hope. Then the first month resulted in a negative pregnancy test. Then the second, then the third. We were CRUSHED. Three strikes you’re out. We at this point had been trying for 18 consecutive months, unsuccessfully. The shock of medical intervention failing us has not fully passed, but this brings us up to date of where we are at today, and maybe why you have tuned in.
As of tomorrow, we start another emotionally and physically draining route of medical help to start our family. IVF (In-vitro Fertilization). The big one. The one we knew of but denied would ever be our reality.
But here we are. It is a complicated, messy situation of medical, emotional, and physical endurance. But we are ready for it, because we Believe. In the next few weeks-months I will be chronicling our IVF story. Partially to just get some of the the info out of my head and onto something else, as well as for friends and family to follow along and hopefully provide some understanding and insight to how it all is going.
#thoughtsandprayerswelcome #IVF #TTC #IUI #pineapplesquad #infertility